My friends, I am humbled you are spending time with me. I know this has been a long journey, but my prayer is you are able to find some trinket that is usable to you.
With that said, let us continue.
I’m sure you’ve figured by now that it was the PTSD where some of my armor started to chink. I didn’t break down & cry, never even needed a tissue (which were sitting around on the tables), but there was some orbital socket over-moisturizing happening. I couldn’t tell you exactly what it was that was sinking in, but I realized I needed help or I was going to explode. (No, not violence. More like yelling & not much of self-control.)
My drive home after this was on a Friday evening, 5 o’clock traffic, hour drive home. Let me say I do appreciate the convenience cell phones provide. My husband was on the other end & boy did he get an earful!! Poor man! How he puts up with me is a wonder… There’s a country song by Lee Brice, “I’m Hard to Love”. I’ve told him that’s a chorus I say to him. Lol.
Anyway, in my rant, I told him my feelings. He explained he understood, after all, he knew what was going on at my job. The pressure I was feeling. That man even thanked me for ranting! Can you believe him! Yeah, I don’t know what I did to deserve him, but I do work at keeping him happy, also.
That did let some of the (self-imposed) pressure out. But the biggest pressure was coming from the job. I was dreading going in on Monday. The overtime (I later found out that while I thought I was barely keeping up w/the other ladies working O/T, I actually had the most), the lack of control I felt I had over my desk & how the heck was I going to keep up! The boss was implementing a change & I was leery of it. Something I had experienced before with negative results. I asked God for help. It was all too big for me.
Then, Saturday morning, I’m doing my usual on the computer & in my emails were invites to opportunities to grow myself (check out on YouTube Brene Brown on trust) & my business. Lessons on how to make money blogging came my way (thanks to a wonderful fellow Peer Support Team member!!). I knew these were answers for me. The teachers were knocking on my door.
That weekend I started my serious meditation time utilizing theta wave music, I am-ness &, of course, Essential Oils (My New Norm Utilizing Aromatherapy), Sunday August 20, 2017). Changes needed to be made & there is only one thing to which I have any control. Me.
I found myself able to comfortably meditate for, what I think is a long time, about 20 minutes. I know the time because the music is a YouTube video that is a touch over an hour long. When I’m ready to return then I can see by the timer how long. Remember, meditate for as long as is comfortable. I feel I get so much more out of it.
Right after I start the music (plays on just the computer speakers) I take a couple of deep inhales from a small, amber bottle. It’s my meditation blend I’m trying out. Certain blends are known to aide in focus & relaxation.
I like to start in the Mountain Pose. I focus on balancing on the three points of my feet.Heel, ball & under the little toe. I can feel this pulling my arches up. My feet are only about three inches apart & I can feel my leg muscles adjusting to keep my balance. I put a balance in my hips, not too forward, not to far back. My inhale brings space between my vertebrae, giving length to my spine. Pull my shoulders back & anchored, arms down at my side, palms out. Head balanced on my spine, eyes closed. I feel the energy flowing up from the earth through the soles of my feet, up my legs, joining at the spine, flowing on up & out the crown of my head, joining the energy of the universe.
When it is time to change poses I move as my body leads, eventually ending up crossed legged on the floor. Here’s where the deep meditation occurs. I have strengthened my back enough to sit up without using a wall for support. I can now feel the energy flowing through the chakras.
I can feel the openness & focus on what I am, who I am & it’s all positive.
I made a “visual board”, one for home, one for work. I planned on meditating at the office for a few minutes every morning. I would bring peace & harmony into my office, at least. That didn’t really last past, like, the second day. I found out in my emails that morning there was no more need for O/T. Some pressure was lifted.
I have two CDs of Christian music in my boombox (yes, I have one & it still works) in my office. They’re certain passages that some folks wrote music so as to sing the verses. Each song is just that same verse repeated over & over, but they did it very well. That practice is hit & miss. But there are those mornings when I want that energy in my day. A smidge more pressure lifted.
Over the weekend an idea occurred to me on how to speed up one of my processes. How I could actually work on two things at once. How I can get more accomplished in less time, how to be more efficient. A wee bit more pressure released.
There’s one more thing I did on Friday that helped changed my outlook. Both days I went out to lunch with a fellow Team member. I’ll call him Andy. Anyway, at lunch the second day I told him I wanted to use him as Support, he knows the person I’ve been struggling with & I needed the confidentiality afforded by Peer Support. He provided a very simple, but brilliant idea. A fraction more released.
Believe it or not, these methods turned it around for me. By the time the person arrived I was in a much better place. As the week progressed my new process was working beautifully. I had my desk caught up by Tuesday. Really feeling in a good place.
By the end of the week I have my desk totally under control. I was ready to go on vacation & it would not affect my two co-workers. I knew what to expect when I came back & knew I could handle getting items out in a timely manner.
During vacation, I continued to meditate. My husband pitched in & helped me around the house, without me asking him. I knew the job was under control & I felt like I had a direction in which to grow my on-line store. I came back from vacation feeling like I have been washed cleaned.
Oh, by the way, things are starting to happen in my business. They’re little things, but it is movement, it is growth. You don’t get a mustard tree from the seed overnight. Growth is slow, but steady in the beginning, so one could miss the little changes. In time, with care & patience, that little mustard seed, the smallest of all seeds, will grow. It will grow into one of the largest of trees, providing living space for many birds.
My friends, thank you for joining me on this discovery of peace. I know it’s been long, but it is a tipping spot for me. It could be for you, also.
Next week we will look at Eucalyptus Essential Oil. Definitely one that should be in your first aid kit.
‘Til next we meet, Be Blessed.